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Stop Whispering's journal
Stop Whispering

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US Deaths in Iraq since March 20th, 2003

Just Foreign Policy Iraqi Death Estimator

...and they looked towards the sky

The WeatherPixie

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
9:47 am

Communicating with group in Boston that helps people obtain/rent housing. One of the main programs for renting is apparently closing/closed :/ for the next couple of years...ya
there are other programs though...
At a low point, feeling like I'm going to decompensate physically/emotionally before I can get out of here, been here since December, 2000, really have damaged my what? psyche-- hope it is recoverable ;o>...I know it is a state of mind currently, lack of support around me is sad.
Going to call the man I'm trying to meet at the group now.
Again I rise :)

(4 dreams | dream)

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
4:07 am - curls


Sunday, May 24th, 2009
3:37 pm - 1 beat

I beat of my heart. The device is between the two chambers, the septum of course, the holey heart is fixed with metal :) I believe everything's ok but haven't seen cardiologist yet...
Have been feeling better lately, just need to get a place...but making the most of now :)
It's all you can do. yes?

current mood: good

(3 dreams | dream)

Saturday, May 9th, 2009
12:47 pm - 28


Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
1:57 pm - I've been traveling on this road too long

View from the basement--You can make your own reality...

Boston, going to Mass General Hospital

I turn my head to the east
I don't see nobody by my side,
I turn my head to the west
Still nobody in sight...
So I turn my head to the north,
Swallow that pill
that they call pride.
No regrets I'm blessed to say,
The old me dead and gone away.
The new me will be alright.

(8 dreams | dream)

Monday, April 27th, 2009
10:05 pm - Memory

(2 dreams | dream)

Saturday, April 25th, 2009
2:38 am - Spring is here :)

~Is maith an scáthán súil charad~
Change. Yes.
I do dare to dream again...
and I do
and will see as well.
I hope you are too :)
You can.
All we have is now.
Just now.

(3 dreams | dream)

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
12:50 pm - Separation wall between Palestine and Israel
Northern West Bank, Palestine

(1 dream | dream)

Sunday, March 8th, 2009
1:10 am - Remember me when I'm gone...

taken by a Polaroid 5.0 megapixel digital camera i534

current mood: hopeful

(1 dream | dream)

Monday, February 9th, 2009
4:08 am - Now all I have is words to take your heart away...
I must obtain camera.
~It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away...

(1 dream | dream)

Thursday, February 5th, 2009
9:14 pm
I want to see Coraline...:)

(1 dream | dream)

Saturday, January 31st, 2009
7:46 pm
Damn can't get off the gas bill from the apartment I lived in. I called them way back, the usage for January is double I ever used. I thought it was empty unless the landlord is fixing something...
I don't have his # can't get hold of H because he needs to put his name on the gas bill and he knows this...I shut the electric off and he went and put his name right on thing after another :/

current mood: aggravated

(6 dreams | dream)

Monday, January 26th, 2009
6:40 pm - reality was a friend of mine, wait...
Sorry, I meant to add to the last post.
Didn't mean to leave off...
Started to feel better Sunday...
So, I am getting symptoms that are more severe and really smack of lupus...
hard to explain, unless I really have had lupus and these flares I have been thinking of "fibro flares" have been less severe lupus flares.
What is frustrating about a lot of auto-immune problems is there is often nothing definitive to diagnose and many people don't get a diagnoses for years...
There are some more tests for lupus I just got to get in to my rheumatologist who is very busy.
I was put in this Wednesday and I got a call from his nurse that the doc had to go to court that day..."we will reschedule you asap..."
and I'm thinking, uhoh...
which way most of my thinking goes...
yeah whatever way that is.
oh, and my ANA was positive, and that is a flag for lupus, but not necessarily...
so the symptoms was rash like, red "splotches", itching--upper back and arms mostly, couldn't sleep, was literally up maybe 5-could it have been 7 days?
which what causes me to go into this flare in the first, um, it's like 3-4 hrs. later, I am trying to not take add meds, they do help with many things but for various reasons don't want to a d d another medication...I won't get into that just trying to take as few meds as I can, oh, big issue if lupus confirmed, the staple treatment is steroids, I do not want to take steroids, huge, fast weight gain, breaks your bones, can mess with your mental health on them and trying to wean off, which is another story in itself, and I guess the other choices are an anti-malarial drug, plaqeunil I believe is how you spell it and the other chemotherapy drug--great.
but if your brain is swelling, kidneys, liver you choose the drugs or dying really, bad, unnerving really...
lupus is basically inflammation, inflammation of the organs very dangerous...
I have read that it doesn't happen a lot, rather more often you don't have the dangerous, life-taking swelling, but you can...oh, so do you ever get a good idea?
again about an hour later,
so also general feeling of malaise, you would call it--you don't feel well or right, the first time I felt like I had a temperature, read about this alot, but I don't have a thermometer, feeling of just my whole being not being right, anxiety flashing over me and I did know with certainty that it was from that process, I feel like I can't explain myself well :/
What I have read about a lupus flare is a person, can have similar but also very different symptoms, a stressor will bring the flare on, and you can come to tell when it is and stop it before it starts,
I discovered I could stop the symptoms, rashes, itching by stopping completely and lying still and can see how you can prevent the flare from coming on but once it has come and started it will run its course, you will just have to lie in bed, still...
it also seemed like I was sensitized to almost everything and would increase the symptoms, medications, food, cold, sun, anything, bad emotions even, like you can control bad feelings at all times...:/
I have to keep a diary when this happens and write things down, and I need to write things down for the rheumatologist,
so sorry if this is rambly

(2 dreams | dream)

Saturday, January 24th, 2009
3:34 am - Unconscious healing

Well, things are quite serious now.
Lupus takes the stage.
11 years of this. Now lupus wants to get serious.
Of course.

(2 dreams | dream)

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
4:18 pm - Let the music do the talking

A picture of an Aerosmith video my friend Sandy and I were in. Let the music do the talking, Orpheum Theatre, Boston, 87 or 88.
We were in the front and during the video you can see her at least 3 times, well because she had a big hat on and a big fat head ;o) You can see her in the pic to the left.
Here is the video and I haven't seen it in a long time I saw her at least 3 times around 3.24 you see her well, I was right beside her, but I can't see me- must have been on the floor, I kid...
One part makes me laugh a big guy comes running out, and seeing the video reminds me of him. Oh, and Steven kept blow drying his hair...
A mystery...
Let the music do the talking


Saturday, January 10th, 2009
6:32 am
I like chalk zone :)


Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
12:25 pm - A moment caught

Caught in the middle of death. His fellow soldier shoots civilian with plastic bullet in chest killing him...Belfast, Ireland.

Bomb in Belfast

Concrete jungle

(1 dream | dream)

Sunday, January 4th, 2009
3:44 pm - Mother, there's been a slaughter here...
Saw Immortal Technique in Rhode Island last night.
Quite an interesting adventure...
--Until I realized I left my cell cam in the car :(
but it was all good :)

(4 dreams | dream)

Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
3:15 pm - must.
I rise
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise

I rise
I rise.

-Maya Angelou

(1 dream | dream)

12:02 pm - In a city closely monitored they get information on the edge, via the sky, the rooftops-runners...

(1 dream | dream)

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